One Last Time
by HumHowellelujah
Summary: Dan made a mistake and he knew it. He also knew that he didnt deserve to, but he wanted to ask Phil if could have him one last time, before they go off their separate ways.


Summary: Dan made a mistake and he knew it. He also knew that he didnt deserve to, but he wanted to ask Phil if could have him one last time, before they go off their separate ways.

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 4,198

Warnings: idk there are implications of sm00t but there is no actual sm00t soz

A/N: Sorry I haven't posted any new fics in a while. I was busy with AP exams and finals. I've been doing a lot of studying and haven't had the time to sit down and actually write something. But it's all over now so I wrote this! So yeah. Mainstream song, uh oh. No, just kidding. This song is actually pretty freaking amazing, if you ask me. I listened to it for the first time the other day and I realized how emotional it actually was and _of course_ I related it to phan. (What is my life even anymore?) I had a lot of feelings going on when I wrote this. Let's just say that I'm not okay. Also, I don't even get what I wrote. I feel like it was very dragged out but oh well ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ I tried. Anyways, enjoy reading.

Dan knew he messed up. He also knew how wrong he was about it, and he definitely admitted that much to himself and to Phil. It was a mistake, a life changing mistake, and Dan knew it was for the worst.

When Dan thought back to it, he was confused with himself. He knew that what he did was wrong. He knew that it would hurt his boyfriend.

 _Why did I do that?_ He often asked himself. _What was the purpose, what was the point? Why?_

And up to this day, Dan still couldn't figure out what he was trying to achieve that night. It was something he would regret forever, a stupid and careless mistake that he had made.

It was a drunken night - no, not even. Dan couldn't even call it that. He only had a few drinks, and he could still think and walk straight. He was barely tipsy and he had no excuse. He guessed it was the spur of the moment. Everyone around him was having fun. And at that moment, everyone didn't care, and Dan reckoned that he didn't either.

So of course, Dan had to find someone. Lately, he's been noticing that he and PJ had been giving each other way too many looks of lust. PJ always lingered his hand on Dan's arm longer than he should've whenever he tried to get Dan's attention. Dan didn't mind, he actually liked the extra attention. And with Dan being as flirty as he was, he had to give PJ slight touches just to tease to him. Sometimes Phil would notice, but he never said a word to Dan, nor did he ever get mad, but he was always slightly annoyed with it. Perhaps he feared an oncoming fight that would soon separate the two.

But then that night, PJ had let it carry on for too long, so he finally took action. He has had enough with the flirtatious touches and the seductive stares. And unknown to Phil, Dan had went along with it.

He guessed he didn't care, as he was clawing at someone else's shirt at a large house party. He didn't care when he was giving PJ playful kisses down his neck while pushing his hand up his shirt. So PJ dragged them into a random room inside the house and behind those closed doors, they began undressing each other.

While all of this was happening, Phil was downstairs, drink in hand and phone in the other. He was bored out of his mind and the only reason why had came tonight was because of Dan. Recently, the younger man had been bugging Phil to take him to go to these parties. Phil didn't know what was up with the sudden change, as before, all the two did was stay home on their couch and play video games with each other for hours.

Then Phil remembered PJ and how he often made longing looks at Dan. Phil stood up and looked around for Dan. He explored the entire downstairs of the house, and felt a dropping feeling when he couldn't find him. Ironically enough, he also didn't spot PJ, and that's when Phil really felt upset. He took another tour throughout the bottom floor before finding himself in front of the flight of stairs leading to the all of the bedrooms. He took a deep breath and then slowly climbed up them. As he neared the top, he began to hear it; the familiar loud moans and soft panting that was supposed to be only exclusive to Phil.

Phil's heart dropped. He didn't actually think Dan would do it. He didn't actually believe that Dan would go behind his back and have the guts to cheat on him. If Phil could remember correctly, Phil was the best Dan has ever had. And now Phil stood in front of a stranger's bedroom door, wondering how all of that had suddenly disappeared. He stood there and listened to his boyfriend getting touched by a man that wasn't him and Phil felt played. He felt used and honestly wanted to throw up. But something kept him there, and he stood perfectly still. It was almost like he still had a little sliver of hope that it wasn't actually Dan inside of that room on the other side of the door. Phil had to know for sure before he could come to any conclusions. So he did what he thought was most logical; opening the door.

Phil prayed it wouldn't be Dan, so they didn't have to go through a massive fight later about what was happening. He wanted to keep his Dan and stay with him. He thought it wasn't going to be him, and maybe instead, was someone that sounded oddly just like him. But no, when Phil opened that door, he was dead wrong.

There they were, PJ and Dan, lying unclothed and tangled together on the bed and half hidden underneath all of the covers. Just a second before, Dan was beneath PJ and getting fucked by the man. Dan's face burned a bright shade of red and his hair was ruffled and scrunched up in PJ's hand. But now, as they heard the sound of the bedroom door opening, they both jolted their eyes to the door and horrifying looks ran across their faces. A flash of guilt painted itself onto Dan's red face. His glazed eyes cleared up as he realized that he shouldn't be doing this.

But it was all too late now, Phil had seen it all and he had seen enough to know everything.

"Wait, Phil-" Dan wanted to explain himself, but Phil didn't let him. Phil turned around and ran down the stairs.

Dan jumped out of the bed and quickly tried to gather his clothing. He didn't even say a word to PJ when he tried to call out to Dan. He simply just pulled on his clothes and ran after Phil, leaving PJ alone.

Phil had already ran out of the house and stopped when he reached the front lawn. He knew that if he took the car home, Dan wouldn't have someone to take him home. Dan would have to hitch a ride with someone from the party, and maybe that someone would be PJ. Phil didn't like that idea, but he thought that nothing could get any worse than it was now.

He got into the driver's seat of his car and started up the engine and drove away. Phil knew he was driving a bit more aggressively than he should've. He couldn't help it though, he felt so played. He drove with blurred eyes, but with a straight face. He ignored all of the incoming calls from Dan and had to turn his phone off when there were too many notifications.

Phil couldn't go back home as he knew that somehow, Dan would be there waiting for him. He'd try to explain himself, but Phil wouldn't have any of it. He knew that it had been going on for too long. Even if Phil didn't know for sure if this was the first time that PJ and Dan had done this, he already knew that the two were surely infatuated with each other in some way. It had been going on for so long, and they just couldn't suddenly change it. Phil was there, he saw it. He saw everything he needed to know to confirm all of his suspicions. He felt like a fool. He couldn't believe he let Dan do this. He partially blamed himself, but he knew that the one who was really at fault was Dan.

The dark haired man didn't want to see his boyfriend right now. Could Phil even call Dan his boyfriend anymore? Phil sighed to himself and drove around to find any other place that he could stay for the night to avoid Dan. It was a bit childish maybe, for he was running away from his problems right now. But could anyone blame him? He just had to witness someone he loved being touched by someone else, and Phil had never felt so humiliated as he did in that moment.

Phil drove for what seemed like hours, but was most likely thirty minutes. He didn't want to have to waste money and spend it on a shady looking motel for what Phil thought would be one night away from home. He ended up at a relatively empty supermarket's parking lot. He wasn't sure if he was allowed to park here and spend the night. He feared that he would get his car towed while he was inside of it sleeping. But Phil was tired and he didn't even care.

So he parked his car and got into the back seat of it and laid down. Phil glanced back up to his dashboard and saw that is was almost 2AM. He could sleep here for maybe six hours before getting up and drive around town all day before coming back to talk to Dan. Phil knew that he had to at least to discuss what had happened before coming to conclusions, even though he was incredibly hurt from what he saw that night. Perhaps hearing it from Dan will make him feel a bit better. But before confronting him about it, Phil will have to rest and not think about any of his problems.

While Phil had already driven away, Dan was left alone in the front lawn after sprinting down the stairs with barely any clothes on. He was just in time to see Phil drive off. Dan really wanted to yell at himself for doing something so stupid. How could he even think to do something like that? Why would he do that? Dan felt the guilt growing heavier and heavier in his chest the more he thought about it.

Dan pulled out his phone from his pocket and quickly dialled Phil's number.

 _Ring, ring, ring. Ring, ring, ring._

He was growing impatient and started shaking his leg nervously. "Come on, Phil. Please pick up," he muttered to himself.

 _Ring, ring, ring. Ring, ring, ring._

Dan heard the ringing stop. "Phil-!"

" _Hi, it's Phil! I can't come to the phone right now, but you can leave a message after the rawr. Rawr!_ "

Dan sighed but left Phil a message anyways.

"Hey, Phil. I know you really don't want to see me right now and I'm really sorry but, please I need to talk to you. Please Phil," Dan said in a desperate tone before ending his message.

Dan also decided to send Phil a few text messages just in case Phil didn't open his voicemail.

Dan laid on the grass of the front yard and sighed to himself. He felt so stupid. He also felt a bit mad at PJ. If it wasn't for him and his little flirtatious moves, maybe Dan wouldn't pursue him. But Dan knew better. He knew that he couldn't put the blame on PJ, yet he still did just a bit. But for god's sake, if he was loyal and faithful to Phil, he wouldn't even think about doing such a thing.

Dan felt sick. He felt disgusted about himself. All he wanted to do right now was beg for forgiveness from Phil and scrape every single part of his body clean, in hopes of feeling less dirty.

He felt a moisture on his face. He raised his hand and wiped away the tear that was coming out. Of course he was crying. He only cried when he felt frustrated and didn't know what to do. And that's honestly how he felt right now, with the mix of all of the other emotions.

How would he be able to get back with Phil? Dan knew that he messed up big time. He wasn't even sure if Phil would let him back in. Dan would understand though.

Dan didn't hear someone opening the front door and walking out onto to this the lawn to sit where he was laying down. So when he heard PJ's voice, he jumped slightly at the sound.

"So..." PJ trailed off.

Dan lifted his hands to cover his face. "Piss off," he said, his voice being muffled.

But PJ didn't go anywhere, instead, he continued talking to Dan. "What are you going to do?"

"Fuck, if I know. And I said fuck off," Dan said a bit louder this time.

Dan heard PJ sigh next to him. "I know he was your ride here, but I'm okay if you don't accept it, but I can offer you to take you back home."

Dan didn't say anything.

"Come on, it's the least I could do," PJ said.

The man lying on the ground lifted himself up with his elbows to look at PJ. "'The least you could do?' Really? Honestly, fuck off. You disgust me," he said to PJ while glaring at him.

"Take a look at yourself. You're the one who just cheated on their boyfriend," PJ spat at him.

Dan abruptly stood up. He walked in front of PJ and glared at him once again. Without a second thought, he lifted his left hand and clenched it into a fist before punching PJ right in the face.

PJ tumbled over from the force and almost fell to the ground but quickly caught himself. He wasn't going to fight back and PJ had to admit to himself that he was crossing over the line a bit, but it was still true. PJ wanted to say sorry, but he continued.

"I know I shouldn't be saying much, and trust me, I do feel really bad about it, but I'm not at total fault here," PJ said. "You're also to blame."

"You honestly don't think I know that? How do you think I feel right now?" Dan let out a bitter laugh, but then his voice quieted down to something more weak and small. "I know I'm to blame, and I do feel terrible about it."

PJ didn't say anything else, as Dan looked like as if he wanted to scream. "Why did I do that?"

The man shrugged. "I can still give you a ride home. I'm sure you don't want to be here anymore, and I promise I won't lay a hand on you," PJ said as Dan turned around to give him a glare.

"So, is that a yes or no?" PJ asked after the two shared a few seconds of silence.

"Whatever. Just take me straight home and then I want you to leave," Dan said.

"Fine by me." PJ pulled himself up and started walking to where he parked his car with Dan following just a couple of feet behind him.

The car ride back to Dan and Phil's house was quite silent. PJ kept his thoughts to himself and Dan looked at anywhere besides PJ. He mostly looked out the window with a stern face. Whenever PJ saw Dan's face though, he looked as if he was about to crack and burst at any moment. But PJ thought he'd be a smart man and not make any remarks about it.

They made it back in about 30 minutes, and to the both of them, it felt like the longest half hour they've experienced ever. But PJ was glad it was over. Even though he was still a bit concerned for his friend, he felt on edge with the whole situation even if some of it was his fault. But for the time being, he didn't think neither Dan nor Phil wanted to even see his face. So when he dropped Dan off at his house, he quietly wished Dan a good night and promptly left.

And that lead to Dan being alone. Dan never liked being in the house by himself. He also didn't like how he was alone this late. At this time, he and his boyfriend would be sleeping peacefully in each other's arms. But not tonight, and Dan didn't know what to do.

It was in the middle of the night by now, and Dan couldn't find himself to fall asleep. He tossed and turned in Phil's bed, breathing in his scent. He gripped Phil's bright green pillow, in hopes that the comfort and the scent of it would lure him to sleep. It seemed like that had only made it worse for him.

Dan had been trying to call Phil for the past few hours, but there was no use, as they've all gone straight to voicemail. Dan figured that Phil must have turned off his phone, however Dan couldn't help himself from calling again. He just wanted to hear his boyfriend's voice, even if it was just a recorded audio playback.

The man eventually fell asleep though, as a sound woke him up. He glanced around the room, trying to locate the sound. He soon realized that someone was just knocking on the door. _Who is knocking on the door this late?_ Dan asked himself. He knew he didn't sleep for long. He looked down to his hands and saw that he was gripping his phones tightly. He unlocked the screen and saw Phil's contact information pulled up. He sighed to himself.

It was still in the middle of the night, but Dan felt like he wouldn't be able to sleep again any time soon. So he decided that he would just open the door and see who it was and what they wanted.

Phil couldn't sleep. For one, he was uncomfortable and cramped in the back of his car. He also couldn't stop thinking. He told himself that he wouldn't think of Dan, but try as he might, he just couldn't stop himself. Phil was terribly hurt, he had never felt such a pain in his heart before.

He finally resulted in just getting up and drive on the streets again. Driving tended to calm his nerves, but he was feeling extra anxious tonight. He didn't think that that would be very good for him. Phil tried to stop at random areas of the city that looked nice, just to absorb the beauty of things. The scenery often distracted him, but his mind kept roaming back to Dan.

After about an hour, Phil finally made up his a mind. He'd have to go see Dan, even if it was almost 4AM. He will have to go back to their house and see what Dan has to say for himself. Phil didn't know why he had to do this though. He knew that in the end, he couldn't keep this going on for any longer. He'd become sick and tired of Dan's childness and lack of commitment. He pained him that he'd have to make this decision, but he figured it would be for the better.

But Phil just had to have some sort of closure before breaking things off for sure. It'd make him feel a lot better and it'd be easier for him to let go. At least that was what Phil thought, in his opinion.

So Phil got back to driving and started going down the familiar street that lead to his house that he would soon leave. He pulled up to the house and got out of his car. Phil didn't even know of Dan was home yet, but he continued to walk up to the front door anyways.

He stood there for a few seconds, still having last minute thoughts on the whole situation. He then shook his head and sighed. He raised his fist to the door and promptly knocked three times. He could just take his house key and unlock it, but he wanted Dan to know that he was home.

Phil was in front of the door for a minute and almost left until the door opened.

Dan stood behind the open door in shock. Here Phil was, back at home, at almost 4AM with no warning whatsoever.

"Ph-Phil?" Dan sputtered.

Phil didn't even look up to him, but instead said nothing as he walked past Dan and went into their living room.

"Oh… Okay…" Dan said.

Dan followed after Phil and he found him sat on the couch with an emotionless face. He didn't want to push his limits and sit next to him, so Dan took a seat in the chair across from Phil.

The two sat in an awkward silence for at least two minutes. Dan was drumming his fingers against the armrest of his chair by now and Phil was staring blankly out the window. It wasn't until a few moments later that Phil finally broke the silence.

"I'm waiting," he said.

Dan blinked up at him. "What?" He asked.

"Explain yourself," Phil said bluntly.

"Oh." Dan swallowed hard. He shifted in his seat slightly before answering. "I'm going to be honest here, Phil. I don't - there isn't... There's not much to explain."

Phil looked at him. "I thought so."

He was starting to get up from his seat, but Dan stopped him. Dan got up from his chair and rushed over to Phil and put his hands out, as if to prevent him from leaving.

"Wait! Don't leave," Dan said.

Phil turned to look at him again. "Ands why should I stay?"

"Because I love you Phil and I don't want you to leave and I don't know what I'll do without you. Please don't leave me. Please," Dan begged, gripping Phil's arm.

"Right." Phil laughed to himself. "I don't even know why I can back here," he admitted.

"Because we love each other! You can't leave," Dan said.

"No. If you loved me, you wouldn't have done what you did. I may have seen it once, but I've seen the way you look at him and the way PJ looks at you. It's not hard to see, Dan, and I'm not blind," Phil spat out.

Dan's lip began to tremble. He stared at Phil for what seemed like hours. A quiet silence fell between the two.

"I think I just came here for closure; to say goodbye," Phil said finally. "And I'm done now." Phil started to walk out of the lounge and down to the front steps.

"No! Wait! Phil, please," Dan said while grabbing Phil's arm again.

Phil stopped but didn't turn around to look at Dan.

"Let me have you for one last time. Please? Then after that, I'll let you go," Dan asked softly.

Dan waited for a few seconds and then suddenly Phil turned around and pushed Dan against the wall and pressed his lips roughly against his.

Dan felt a tear starting to form in the outer corner of his eyes. He lifted a hand up to gently cup Phil's face, but kissed him back with just as much force as Phil.

"You're so lucky I'm letting you have this Dan," Phil said harshly against his lips.

Dan doesn't say anything as he continued nipping at Phil's lips before he dragged him up the stairs. Dan was already clawing at Phil's clothes before they made it to their once shared bedroom.

 _This is it,_ Dan thought as he was splayed out on his back, gripping tightly onto Phil's back while they made love for what would be the last time.

They both came and then Phil pulled out. Dan made a heavy sigh and rested on his back. He felt Phil getting up from the bed and gathered his clothes.

"No, wait. Stay with me a minute?" He asked. He was hoping he'd get to at least have an after sex cuddle as well.

Phil didn't say anything, but dropped his clothes on the floor and crawled back into the bed with him. Phil draped his arm around Dan, the way they used to cuddle before and then sighed.

Dan turned to face him while still managing to keep Phil's arm around him.

"I'm really sorry Phil. If I could take back what I did, I would do it, you know?" Dan murmured sleepily.

Phil still didn't say anything but kept his eyes on Dan as he continued.

"I understand if you don't want me back though. I should've done you better. But I didn't and I'm really sorry," he said while his eyes fluttered close.

A few moments passed and Phil still hadn't said a word to Dan. Just as Phil thought Dan was asleep, he talked again.

"Please don't leave me," Dan quietly sobbed.

Phil still couldn't trust himself to say anything yet, so he just kissed Dan on the head and Dan took that as a sign that everything would be okay. He figured that maybe Phil wouldn't leave him.

Dan woke up late in the afternoon the next day. His lower back was sore, so he stayed on the bed for a while. With his eyes closed, he thought back to the night before and smiled slightly. It wasn't until he slowly moved his arm around to stretch that there was a lack of body heat next to him. He moved his head to the right and finally opened his eyes.

Phil was gone.

A/N: What did you honestly expect. Sorry I couldn't do smut bc idk how to and I'm not about to embarrass myself more than I need to. Okay bye now thanks for reading.


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